Why an affair can be good for your relationship
Key takeaways:
- Cheating is no longer rare, and more and more people are having affairs.
- The reasons for cheating can be different, such as anger at the partner, lack of love and affection, lack of commitment, desire for variety, unmet physical needs, unmet sexual needs, and the opportunity to seize it.
- According to studies, an affair can have a positive effect on a relationship if it is prearranged and there is no emotional commitment.
- An affair can help people appreciate and pay more attention to the value of the relationship and their partner.
- One-time slips can happen, but communication is important before having an affair.
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Wait a minute - how is an affair good for a relationship? Most readers are probably cringing right now and would never agree with this statement.
However, if we take a look at past studies, it is clear that cheating is a common occurrence today.
The eHarmony group conducted a study in which approximately 5,600 men and women were surveyed on the subject. The result: just over 30 percent of women surveyed said they had been unfaithful. The same study was conducted 10 years ago, and only 19 percent of women said they had been sexually unfaithful. Among men, the figure was just under 23 percent then and about 27 percent now.
These numbers may seem shocking at first, especially for those who never thought of cheating on their partner. But does it really help a relationship when one of the partners has a dark secret?
To get to the bottom of this phenomenon, we took a closer look at the issue and asked the following questions
- What impact does an affair have on a relationship?
- When is an affair okay?
And...
- When can cheating help a relationship?
However, there is one crucial question that needs to be answered before we can address these questions and when an affair can be good for a relationship:
Why do people cheat?
For many, an affair is the ultimate breach of trust. After all, the beginning of an affair can quickly mean the end of a relationship. But what drives people to seek an erotic adventure outside their own four walls? Is it just the sheer thrill of it, or are the motivations much more complex?
People who cheat are quickly labeled and pigeonholed. The reasons for cheating are usually not questioned, and the cheater is immediately cast in the role of victim.
"How could he cheat on you? You're the best thing that ever happened to him!" Such statements are not uncommon when the truth comes to light. The reasons for cheating usually come from within the relationship. But how can the reasons for something that is ideally kept secret come to light? Fortunately, the University of Maryland was able to find 495 men and women who answered questions.
But what are the main reasons why people cheat on their partners?
During the research, the team identified eight reasons why people might intend to cheat.
- Anger at the partner
- Boosting self-esteem
- Lack of love and affection
- Too little commitment and too much freedom
- Desire for variety
- Physical needs being neglected
- Sexual needs not being met in the relationship
- Having the opportunity and taking it
The motivations, as we can see, are of different kinds. Whether it is because the relationship lacks fulfillment from an erotic point of view or because of a desire for variety. It is not possible to deduce which of these reasons is more important. But it often seems to be due to a lack of communication within the relationship. Sometimes it is easier to look elsewhere than to have a clarifying and perhaps uncomfortable conversation.
A look at evolutionary theory even suggests that humans are not made for monogamy. But what happens when one of you leaves and goes elsewhere for pleasure?
Simply put...
What impact does an affair have on a relationship?
Did you know that about two-thirds of affairs never come to light? And there is a reason for this. Of course, no one wants to tell their partner that they are having an affair elsewhere. But there is another reason erotic adventures are kept secret: Many who have an affair only realize what they have in their relationship because of it.
The allure of the forbidden, an intense flirtation, and a night of lust and passion. These are all things that come from physical desires and rarely have anything to do with emotions. Of course, how the affair affects the relationship also depends on how the relationship works. People who no longer feel loved turn to affairs to feel close and secure. In such cases, the relationship is doomed to failure even before the affair, and the affair may be the last straw that breaks the camel's back.
However, it can also happen that the man or woman has an affair and soon realizes that other beds are not the answer. They realize the value of their relationship and suddenly begin to work on it. Of course, the trigger is not mentioned and the affair is kept secret as the impetus for the change.
But: There are also relationships in which both realize that the sex life is no longer a hit. The love is still there, but in the bedroom the relationship is more like two roommates sharing a bed. In these cases, partners may agree to open up their relationship in some way. They each allow themselves to find another sex partner to satisfy their desires. In other words, they each have a lively sex life with another one with no strings attached. Love at home and satisfaction elsewhere - many know this model as a polygamous relationship, and it is a common model today.
So.
When is an affair okay?
While many will now cry "never," others will smile and say that it is perfectly legitimate to have an affair if both parties agree.
And indeed, it is, because an affair is basically nothing more than an enormous breach of trust. At least if it is kept secret and there is no clarifying conversation with the partner beforehand. Especially in relationships where the sex life has been stagnant for a long time, an affair can breathe new life into the relationship.
Knowing that your partner is having fun in someone else's bed can bring out the fighting spirit in many people. They suddenly begin to see and appreciate their partner again. This is a common problem in long-term relationships: the partner is taken for granted and efforts to show affection fade. But as soon as you realize that someone else finds your partner attractive and appealing, the interest returns.
When can cheating help a relationship?
Cheating is usually the result of an unsatisfactory relationship. Most often it is a lack of sexuality in the relationship and a lack of communication. It is only after the affair has begun that questions about motives may arise. "Why did I do this in the first place, and couldn't I do this at home?" is probably a question many ask themselves after the first affair.
The fact is that affairs usually never cause the relationship to change course completely. One-time flings do not count, because an affair is a long-term arrangement. This means that the partner is being deliberately cheated on. It is also not uncommon for feelings to come into play during the affair and for one of the two to fall in love with the other.
An affair can only be positive for a relationship if it has been approved in advance. The communication comes first and then the agreement, otherwise there can be no real winner in the end.